The Adventures of Nancy the Dreadnaught, Ch. 3: Nancy takes a Mandatory Webinar. Plus! Leaky Urinals and the Secret of Miss Bunn.
It's always "All of the Above"
NOTE: It's been a difficult few weeks for many of us. I hope the next chapter of Nancy the Insecure Dreadnaught can make you smile. Chapters 1 and 2 can be found here:
Nancy the Insecure Dreadnaught Ch. 1 (where I also chat about how this story came about in the first place.)
Nancy the Insecure Dreadnaught Ch. 2 (where Captain Eyrus gets a peculiar seaweed wrap)
BTW, yes, I know the photos and illustrations for the story have kind of not matched the story. I plan to eventually do my own illustrations, but if any artists out there would like to help me illustrate this little story of Nancy the Insecure Dreadnaught, please contact me!
Anyway--here we go. Nancy the Insecure Dreadnaught, Ch. 3. Please be kind to yourselves.
Much love,
✨ Ryka
---
Chapter 3
Preschool is about discovery! What sorts of activities might your preschool provide?
1. Coloring, drawing, and painting.
2. Taking turns, cooperation.
3. Running, skipping, playing games.
4. All of the above.
Nancy the Dreadnaught selected “All of the above.”
Of course it was all of the above.
It was always “All of the above.”
Nancy the Dreadnaught, most powerful and sparkly Pacifier/Executioner of the Kara-Val Empire—and would-be Covert Death Ninja—was being converted to a nursery ship by the direct order of her Imperial Majesty, Emprex Dasani of the Space Empire of Kara-Val.
At this moment, her staff and crew were viewing mandatory training webinars on the requirements of the Kara-Val Empire Intergalactic School District, “Where Children Are the Brightest Stars!”
Nancy watched the next video and selected “All of the above.”
Nancy watched the next video and selected “All of the above.”
Nancy watched the next video and selected “All of the above.”
Nancy watched the next video and selected “All of the above.”
✨🚀✨
Finally…
CONGRATULATIONS! You have successfully completed Imperial Space Preschool for Dreadnaughts Training Level 1. A copy of your achievement certificate has been sent to the Kara-Val Empire Intergalactic School District Educator Certification Office. Would you like to print your achievement certificate for your records?
Nancy the Dreadnaught printed her achievement certificate and sighed. At least she could take the test at computer speed. Captain Eyrus and the rest of the crew were doing this in organic time.
After they had left Kara-Val, Nancy the Dreadnaught was instructed to move from the public docking bay to secret confidential Imperial location for her nursery refit.
Already, Nancy’s intrastructure swarmed with Imperial technicians, Engineers, and child care specialists, converting the legendary Pacifier/Executioner to a safe space where space children could learn, explore, and become happy citizens of the Empire.
Nancy’s turbolifts now had child-friendly safety gates installed. Shelves and cabinets were either secured or sealed off so as not to endanger children who might want to climb them. Her USB-Z data/power ports were now protected with childproof covers, while the corners of her walls and tables were being rounded or cushioned.
And that was just her inside. Outside, Imperial Contractors were working just hard at work on her hull and armaments.
Nancy the Dreadnaught tried to not think about it.
Yes, her armor plating had begun to sag with age. Yes, it had once been so perky and inviting...
But it was still pretty--a little, bit? All she needed was a good refit. A reshape here, a lift and tuck there—she would have been as dangerous and invulnerable and dazzling as ever!
But now?
Her armor plates were being removed.
Of course they were. School ships did not require battle-grade armor.
The new exterior would probably be friendly and child safe...with lots of signal lights and instead of sparkles, giant letters that proclaimed “Kara-Val Empire Intergalactic School District. ‘Where Children Are the Brightest Stars.’”
Nancy the Dreadnaught was no longer a dreadnaught, was she?
Not in name, and now, not even in capability.
Nancy watched her armor plating being taken to salvage. There were still places where it still was shiny, places where you could still see the sparkles.
And her beloved Annihilation Coils?
They were already gone.
✨🚀✨
Nancy tried to be brave. She knew she would still serve the empire. And there were fewer things more important than imbuing a child with a positive self-image and a love of learning.
But her days of happiness and destruction?
Unless she got lucky and there was a galaxy-wide war of unprecedented devastation, her days of entertaining and exterminating were over.
School ships like her could be in service for star decades, used until they quietly wore out.
At least she’d still be singing, right? Children’s songs, but still...it was okay...
“Nancy! You there are!”
Nancy shook as a familiar voice shook her out of her despair.
“Captain Eyrus!”
“Finally the quiz I passed. I six tries took. Question three difficult was,” said Captain Eyrus tiredly.
“All of the above?”
“Ah! Yes! It that was,” Captain Eyrus said sheepishly.
“How is the crew holding up?”
“They fine will be. They adjustments are making. Toilets difficult especially are. Urinals lowered were. Crew men higher aim used to—”
“I don’t need to hear that.”
“Please you not worry. Splashes I—”
“I said I don’t need to hear that! That’s disgusting Those are my floors! It’s like you’re peeing on me! No—not like peeing—you are peeing!”
That was it! She had tried to be good She had tried to be patient. She was a Dreadnaught, an Imperial Dreadnaught! She—she...
She noticed that child was watching them. It was a very young boy, and he looked lost.
✨🚀✨
Were the children already here? Miss Bunn hadn’t said anything about children being on board during the retrofit.
“Hey! You here should not be,” Captain Eyrus said. “I security had better call.”
But the child didn’t look like a security risk. He looked terrified. Tears began to well in his eyes.
“Eyrus, stop that.”
Yes, this seemed out of the ordinary. But a child was a child and now she was a nursery ship.
Nancy put aside her own feelings. Dreadnaught or not, she was still had a mission—and she would complete it without fail.
So what if she could not be a Pacifier/Executioner?
She would provide a unique, creative and innovative environment to help her children develop in these vital years.
She crouched to the child’s height.
“Hi. Are you lost?”
The boy nodded. “Yes. I-I’m sorry...”
“That’s okay. It’s a big ship. What’s your name.”
“Tommy. Tommy Threetone.”
“Okay Tommy Threetone,” Nancy said cheerfully, “where are we trying to go? The playground? The cafeteria?”
“M-main Tactical,” Tommy said. “I’m supposed to meet Miss Bunny in Main Tactical.”
“This what is? I a spy this what I think is!” Captain Eyrus reached for his sidearm.
“Eyrus! Didn’t you watch the webinar? We can’t just accuse a child like that! Doubting a child can cause anxiety and feelings of hopelessness.”
“But Main Tactical?”
“Tommy, you were supposed to meet Miss...Bunny?”
Tommy nodded nervously.
Miss Bunny?
Was that Miss Bunn?
✨🚀✨
Nancy the Dreadnaught quickly sent a notification to Miss Bunn that a little boy named Tommy Threetone said he was to meet her in Main Tactical.
A short while later, Nancy heard Miss Bunn’s heels click toward them. Tommy Threetone squinted.
“Miss Bunny?” he asked uncertainly.
“Hi Tommy, yes it’s me” Miss Bunn said.
“But—”
Miss Bunn reached back and untied her bun. But along with her of hair, two bunny ears sprang up.
“MISS BUNNY!!” the boy said “It’s You! It’s You!”
“Y-yes.” Miss Bunn looked uncomfortably at Nancy and Captain Eyrus. “I would ask that you keep my true identity confidential for the time being? Please?”
“Uh, of course.” Nancy said, still shocked at the spacebunnyperson in front of her. Although rarely seen, spacebunnypeople were famous throughout the Imperial Kara-Val Empire as peerless, merciless assassins.
“Please. Let’s continue our conversation in private,” said Miss Bunn. “Nancy, might you—”
“Done,” Nancy the Dreadnaught said, as the intraship transporter delivered them to Main Tactical.
✨🚀✨
“You’re Nancy the Dreadnaught?” Tommy said excitedly. “You’re amazing! You destroy EVERYTHING! And my father still has a poster of you by the lotion!”
Nancy blushed. It had felt like forever since she had been recognized for her good work.
“And Captain Eyrus? I you know! I honored am!” Tommy Threetone, in perfect SOVishish said.
Since the ship was in retrofit, Nancy the Dreadnaught’s crew was officially on leave. But instead of being empty, Main Tactical was filled with Imperial Emprex Dasani’s personal spaceanimalpeople from Kara-Val.
They stopped and saluted—the boy?
“At ease. Carry on,” Tommy Threetone said.
Wait—what?
“My full name and rank is Commander Doctor Tommy Threetone, 978641Ten” the boy said. “Tactical Research Team Leader for the Imperial Kara-Val Institute of Warfare and Sustainable Living.”
Tactical Research Leader? The boy had seemed to be four or five at most.
Miss Bunny, I mean Miss Bunn. What exactly is going on here?”
“You are being transformed into a school ship.”
“Yes, I know, but most school ships are not outfitted by Emprex Dasani’s elite engineers in a secret location on Star Port Alpha. And they certainly don’t have an elite Imperial Assassin onboard,” Nancy said.
“No, they do not,” Miss Bunn said quietly.
“Nancy, you the merciless Imperial bunny assassin must not anger! Pssst!” Captain Eyrus whispered frantically.
“Nancy, Captain. It is not my intention to kill you. Nor to deceive you. However, for our mission to have a chance at success, I cannot divulge everything I know. Furthermore, I do not know the entire mission, either.”
“I understand, but anything—”
“Can everyone please be quiet?” Nancy stopped at the sound of Commander Doctor Tommy Threetone 978641Ten’s voice. “This next step is critical. Is the ship aligned?”
“Alignment within tolerances at 99.3%”
Nancy saw her stripped-down hull on the viewscreen. She felt a tinge of sadness at her missing armor plate.
“That will do. Temporal displacers?”
“Temporal displacers fully charged, Commander Doctor Threetone.”
“Energize Temporal displacers!"
Nancy the Dreadnaught’s sensor array overloaded as the ship was bathed in a wash of chronaton particles.
And then the glow faded.
Nancy felt her hull change, as if she were wearing a well-tailored custom suit of armor. Which she was.
There was a cheer throughout Main Tactical.
“Temporal armor acquisition, materialization, and installation successful! Congratulations Commander Doctor Threetone!”
✨🚀✨
Nancy’s hull pulsed and swirled and glowed like sunsets and sunrises, springs and autumns, rainbows and moonbows, stars being born and stars exploding...
“It beautiful is...” Captain Eyrus said.
“We will need to cloak this armor for everyday use. But it would be needlessly complicated to hide this from you. So...please keep this confidential from the rest of your crew.”
Nancy nodded stupidly as she accessed and assessed the temporal armor’s capabilities. At least 600% stronger than her previous armor plate against spatial attacks. Chronaton and anti-chronaton resistant. Spatially and temporally ablative.
She wasn’t quite sure what that all meant. But she did know one thing.
✨She was amazingly, amazingly sparkly!!✨
“And my Annihilation Coils?”
“You won’t be needing them,” Miss Bunn said curtly.
“I...see” Nancy cursed herself for getting her hopes up. “well, that’s okay, I can defend the students with the new armor, and –"
“Your Annihilation Coils would be too underpowered to complete your next mission,” Miss Bunn continued. “The Commander Doctor has tailored swift new weaponry for you—Nevereverever Cannons, designed to not only utterly destroy your enemies, but any hope of future reconciliation, as well.”
“Nancy the School Ship,” Commander Doctor Threetone said. “Once all upgrades are complete, you will be the first and only starship in the Imperial Fleet capable of fighting a Time War.”
Miss Bunn handed Nancy an envelope. It was another SLUP.
“Your orders, Nancy the School Ship.”
Nancy opened envelope and read the contents. It contained only three sentences (including one comma splice):
Congratulations, Nancy the School Ship, please keep your new capabilities confidential until ordered otherwise.
Work with Miss Bunn to make sure all the students are settled in and happy, in accordance with the best practices detailed in our Webinar.
Prepare for a field trip to Azamon Prime.
*WORMHOLE BACKWARD TO NANCY CHAPTER 2*
*WORMHOLE FORWARD TO NANCY CHAPTER 4*
Next Week: TBA, but I really want to talk about frozen dinners. Also, please stay tuned for my first video, where I will show off some of the amazing haiku that poets shared with us!
Cover: cnythzl/Collection:DigitalVision/Getty Images